Instigation

In Camera

A disclaimer at the very begining; other than the title there is absolutely nothing in the entire post which has anything to do with law. The literal meaning of the term, ‘in camera’ would be ‘in private’. Therefore, a camera, as a device, has its sole function, as capturing the most private of all emotions, to which none else should be privy, and then, to record it for posterity and more. Therefore, it should only stand to reason, that a camera would come into play when individuals are at their most unguarded, their most intimate selves.

Now, now don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those pervs who go around toting their miniature or mobile cams, and then catching ppl in all kinds of uncomfortable situations. Nope, milord, my methods are far more refined, and they are applicable to only those who actually solicit my active assistance in clicking a picture of theirs. Ofcourse, it doesn’t do much to wipe away my rep of being a irritating prat, but then, as the oh-so genteel prose of the Marshall Mathers III goes , “I am, whatever you say I am. If I wasn’t, then why would I say I am?”

OK, to come back to what I was talking about, there are a few pre-requisites. Firstly, as mentioned earlier, he/she should ask me to take a photograph. Secondly, we should be fairly well-acquainted so that there is no chance of a hiding, (with the kind of psychos u have arnd these days, u never know). And thirdly, the individual so concerned should preferably be of an equable and temperate disposition. These conditionalities, being satisfied, there are two ways to go about it:-

1) The moment the camera comes into ur (mine) handes, bring it upto ur eyes in one fluid motion, snap out a “Say Cheeze” or “Smile Please” and Click. A cautionary note though, this option demands immense manual dexterity.

2) The other option is, in my humble opinion, an infinitely more desirable one. A work of leisure, with none of the haste and alacrity associated with the former. Get the cam upto ur eye-level, say whatever you have to, and then DO NOTHING. Just stand there like that, frozen in time. Its only a matter of time before the subject in the eye-lens wipes that fake smile off his/her face and starts giving it to you. You might even decide to facilitate the process by goading and other assorted methods. Believe me, nothing beats the sight of watching somebody abuse you through clenched teeth, cussing and cursing away to glory, all with that fake plastic smile still firmly in place. And then, go CLICK

NOW THATS WHAT I CALL IN CAMERA