Legalese

“Dude, I Thought You Were a Friend of Mine!”

But before that, a couple of minor digressions:

Locked myself out of my apartment this morn. And The Hipster’s back in London! Good fun!

Currently clattering away at a cafe. Which probably has one of the cheesiest playlists I have heard. EVER. Sample this: Kelly Clarkson; Backstreet Boys, Leona Lewis. Well, to give credit where it is due, their hazelnut ice latte is pretty decent! And they did have a Don McLean thrown somewhere in that playlist mix!

Coming back, I was recently trawling through all the gunk I have saved away on my lappie. Given the rate at which the darned thing is crashing these days (and displaying a sense of foresight which I/you would have scarcely considered me capable of, woohoo!), thought it made sense to check if I had anything useful saved anywhere!

And I discovered what follows 🙂

Little background first. Mooting is huge in Noojie-land! Has always been; shall always be! Which is good, mooting is one of the cooler things you can do in law school. Well, apart from of course, not doing anything at all! The only thing I never really liked about mooting was preparing those blasted memorials. Just too much opportunity cost, man!

In any case, once I was asked to help out with a memo, for a moot, I wasn’t even part of. You can imagine how thrilled I must have been!! Well, it wasn’t much, just drafting a Statement of Facts and the Body refused to leave my room till I said yes. And in a temporary bout of insanity, I agreed!

It wasn’t fun! At all! So being the nice, good-natured chap I am, decided to spice things up a wee bit 🙂 You know, I thought to myself, poor Prats, slogging their guts out, why not bring a smile to their sorry, careworn faces! Exhibit 1 sets out the original facts, and Exhibit 2 is what I came up with.

Exhibit 1_Page 1

Exhibit 1_Page 2

Exhibit 2

Things of course got infinitely more interesting when these Prats submitted the bloody memorial with just a quick cut-paste job of my stuff! Imagine, not even looking at my handiwork, despite: (a) knowing me/the kind of stuff I was capable of; and (b) having bloody told them to check it because “I was sure they would find it enjoyable”.

Fortunately, the Skulker, privy as he was to these going-ons, discovered what these Prats had couriered across in the nick of time. And promptly fell off laughing whichever chair he was sitting on! I was away home that night but was given to understand that the Prats’ expressions at that moment were strongly suggestive of a collective coronary!

That, of course, was the moment when the Body gave me a call which began with these truly immortal lines: “Dude, I thought you were a friend of mine!” 🙂

P.S. The courier was intercepted in transit. (I think someone was deputed to do a sit-in at the courier office till the Prats got their courier back!). Otherwise, Noojies might have again created mooting history, albeit of a slightly iffier variety 🙂

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Movies, Cinema, Muck (And a Couple of Non Sequiturs)

Exhibit A: Chintuji. Had heard so many poltroons going gaga about how nice, how sweet, how cutesy it was. Well, the darned thing IS sweet. The only problem is that it is so bloody sweet it almost reaches saccharin overdose levels. Methinks the director was probably aiming for a good old fashioned Hrishikesh Mukherjee-Basu Chatterjee feel. And given the times we live in, he was probably obligated to throw in a song-and-dance routine as well. But the poor chap overshot it. By a helluva long way. Muck

Exhibit B: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. How does someone, who made such a bloody decent movie the first time round, so totally screw up the sequel?? Transformers has got to be the worst sequel I have seen. Ever. I know Bay ain’t exactly the cat’s pajamas when it comes to cinematic derring-do, but this has to be pretty special, even by his not-so-exacting standards. Or maybe, it was just Megan Fox which distracted the poor man. Utter muck.

Non Sequitur 1: Caught snatches from a trailer of a Chetan Bhagat interview on CNBC a few days back. The man was mouthing lines like “Chetan Bhagat knows what he wants”, “Bollywood shall work for Chetan Bhagat, not the other way around”. Not only does he churn out you-know-what, but he also speaks in third-person. Cult

Non Sequitur 2: MNS activists have declared war on Wake up Sid. Apparently, the movie refers to Mumbai as Bombay. Cult-er.

Non Sequitur 3: Roman Polanski raped a 13 year old. But that’s alright. ‘Coz he directed The Pianist and Chinatown, you know. (%$@#@, some more dosh here)

Non Sequitur 4: Phul Singh v. State of Haryana, AIR 1980 SC 248. Per, Krishna Iyer, J.

“A philanderer of 22, appellant Phul Singh, overpowered by sex stress in excess, hoisted himself into his cousin’s house next door, and in broad day-light, overpowered the temptingly lonely prosecutrix of twenty four, Pushpa, raped her in hurried heat and made an urgent exit having fulfilled his erotic sortie.”

(Some more extracts from the same order here.) Cult-est.

Conflict of Interest

Read today in a newspaper that the CNI (Church of North India) has decided to mark its foray into the realm of higher education by opening a law college in Rajarhat. Methinks, this ought to be a real humdinger. I just can’t wait to see how this works out. Law, supposedly, is the most secular of all vocations. Now, if my experience in Cal is anything to go by, (Dehradun was a wholly different one), its somewhat taxing to reconcile that element of secularity to institutions run by CNI. Damn, I can almost visualise how a typical morning in this law college would look like. First we would have the morning hymn, something like Amazing Grace or Showers of Blessing. Then there would be a scripture reading, and then finally the proceedings would be rounded off by the Lord’s Prayer . Man, that’d be something.

Some Courtroom Gems

You know, every profession has its pros and cons. There are so many things going for it and at the same time, so many flaws as well. The legal field is no different. However, if somebody likes reading books, novels and enjoys dealing with the English language you can bet your last penny, that he is going to have a jolly good time. Judgments are the most definitive interpretation of law by the individuals who are the most competent to do so, namely, the Judges. Now, most judges are people who have a yen for expounding on relevant issues and questions of law in unnecessarily arcane and complicated terminology. And more often than not, hilarious consequences follow.

Today, while I continuing with my six week long internship I was handed over a few cases to read which were cited as references in a matrimonial matter supposed to go up for hearing in a few days of time. And I managed to uncover two gems. In one judgment of the A.P. High Court, a Judge, in a mater dealing with the dissolution of marriage after the parties had lived apart for a decade or so, after having commisserated at length about the facade the marriage had been reduced to, marriage being the edifice of trust, affection, love and whatnot, also bringing in some 13th Century Telugu poet who had compared marriage to a piece of iron (amongst all other things), came what I consider to be the clincher. The learned Judge pronounced, “The wedlock has become a deadlock”. Wow!!!

Second case. Also a divorce petition, but a disputed one. Unfortunately, the allegations of the wife were of such an excessively graphic nature that the poor Judge in question was naturally scandalized. Even the husband wasn’t too be left far behind and amongst other things alleged incest as well. Now, while delivering the judgment, the learned Judge did not deem it fit to include these portions (thereby, depriving us of what would have undoubtedly been some very interesting readding). But then, in order to prove the acrimony existing between the parties so as to justify the order for divorce, he had to do something. So, our learned Judge devised a special term to allude to any situation where any such graphic allegations were being hurled back and forth. The term : “Pornographic Relations”. Now, tell me, where on earth could have that come from.

In yet another case, in a related matter of a bail petition of the accused, the learned judge said, “As investigations are still in the labour room”. I was just glancing through this case, you know. It was essentially about a company selling adulterated and spurious drugs. And all of a sudden I am staring at the term, ‘labour room’. And I swear, for one moment, I didn’t know what hit me.

Chill, I havent’t even got started about what goes on in law skl and the variegated ways in which English is subjected to abuse in there. Perhaps, some other time. TTFN

An Insomniac Speaketh

Well, its around 3 in the middle of the friggin night and I can’t sleep, so I guess, I just might as well compose a new post. You know, when I come to think of it, the single greatest contribution which NUJS has made (so far, at least) has been the complete and absolute distortion of my body clock. I go to sleep and wake up at all kinds of ungodly hours. Leaving that aside here’s something interesting I discovered today.
Remember that shrieking, screaming girl who plays Cruise’s daughter in War of the Worlds, Dakota Fanning. She is the same adorable little girl who played Sam’s (Sean Penn’s) daughter’s part in I am Sam. I would have never thought of this if I hadn’t come across this trivia in a magazine. She was delightful in the latter flick; as for the former, ummm…….I guess her appearance could be regarded as the cue to cover your ears ASAP.

I-Day, VIVAs and Green Day

First time I attended clg in weeks today. Nothing else has changed in NUJS except that Indian flags of all shapes and sizes were littered all around, an Independence Day hangover probably. Nevertheless, none of the teachers suffered from any patriotic fervour as such and we had regular classes. Still, the day was pretty enjoyable with a rather elaborate enactment of one of the scenes of the year so far. Enjoyable would be an understatement, though. It was positively hysterical with absolutely everybody in splits. I would have probably put down the episode here itself, but for my failure to translate that instance of comic brilliance into words.

Moving over to some mundane matters now, I have my VIVAs scheduled for Saturday and I have a gargantuan syllabi in front of me. I haven’t touched my books in something like an eternity and sometimes classroom dicussions are as unintelligible to me as Egyptian hieroglyphics. I had planned on sitting down with my books today, but somehow I neither have the inclination nor the motivation to do so at present. I just hope that this all-too-familiar syndrome of procrastination does not extend to tommorrow as well otherwise I would have really landed myself in a real soup.

Lest I forget, today’s posting is dedicated to my current favourite video clip, “Wake me up When September Ends”. Though it never comes even close to matching the lyrical supremacy and sheer imagery of the more-famous, “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”, there is this underlying layer of angst coupled with an almost esoteric air about it, which alone imparts that extra bit to this clip.