Some Courtroom Gems

You know, every profession has its pros and cons. There are so many things going for it and at the same time, so many flaws as well. The legal field is no different. However, if somebody likes reading books, novels and enjoys dealing with the English language you can bet your last penny, that he is going to have a jolly good time. Judgments are the most definitive interpretation of law by the individuals who are the most competent to do so, namely, the Judges. Now, most judges are people who have a yen for expounding on relevant issues and questions of law in unnecessarily arcane and complicated terminology. And more often than not, hilarious consequences follow.

Today, while I continuing with my six week long internship I was handed over a few cases to read which were cited as references in a matrimonial matter supposed to go up for hearing in a few days of time. And I managed to uncover two gems. In one judgment of the A.P. High Court, a Judge, in a mater dealing with the dissolution of marriage after the parties had lived apart for a decade or so, after having commisserated at length about the facade the marriage had been reduced to, marriage being the edifice of trust, affection, love and whatnot, also bringing in some 13th Century Telugu poet who had compared marriage to a piece of iron (amongst all other things), came what I consider to be the clincher. The learned Judge pronounced, “The wedlock has become a deadlock”. Wow!!!

Second case. Also a divorce petition, but a disputed one. Unfortunately, the allegations of the wife were of such an excessively graphic nature that the poor Judge in question was naturally scandalized. Even the husband wasn’t too be left far behind and amongst other things alleged incest as well. Now, while delivering the judgment, the learned Judge did not deem it fit to include these portions (thereby, depriving us of what would have undoubtedly been some very interesting readding). But then, in order to prove the acrimony existing between the parties so as to justify the order for divorce, he had to do something. So, our learned Judge devised a special term to allude to any situation where any such graphic allegations were being hurled back and forth. The term : “Pornographic Relations”. Now, tell me, where on earth could have that come from.

In yet another case, in a related matter of a bail petition of the accused, the learned judge said, “As investigations are still in the labour room”. I was just glancing through this case, you know. It was essentially about a company selling adulterated and spurious drugs. And all of a sudden I am staring at the term, ‘labour room’. And I swear, for one moment, I didn’t know what hit me.

Chill, I havent’t even got started about what goes on in law skl and the variegated ways in which English is subjected to abuse in there. Perhaps, some other time. TTFN


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